Take a leaf from Autumn

I love Autumn. The vibrancy of the colours of the leaves on the trees, the changing shape of the landscape as flowers lose their blooms and the first frost.

How amazing would it be to follow nature and just let go. To show the world your true self and be accepted for who you really are… no trying to fit in, no worrying about saying the wrong thing or showing up as the wrong version of yourself today.

None of us were born thinking we are too fat or too thin, Or about the colour of our skin. Or what we believe in is different and wrong in the eyes of others.

These are all things that we have absorbed either consciously or unconsciously. Sometimes comments from people can be targeted, meant to cause hurt and cause us anxiety. And we allow them too. At other times the comments can be throw away and fillers in conversations, but we take these personally as they resonate with a belief that we have developed about ourselves.

If you could be your true self for one day, would you? Would you find it easy? Could you remember who you really are or were before you started to mould and shape yourself to fit it?

I wonder what beliefs pop into your head when you consider these questions? Or what your inner voice is saying? Does someone else’s face or voice pop into your head with a knowing look or voice?

Do you feel vulnerable? Fear? Do you wonder whether you or others would accept this true, hidden version of you?

I remember when I was growing up there was a relative who always greeted me with an update or comment about my weight. I don’t know whether she was being caring or if she carried worries about her own lifetime obsession with her weight. But her words stung and they stuck with me through my life. I could quite quickly feel like my eight year self again if anyone mentioned my weight (good or bad). EFT helped me understand and break the links to this memory.

In life we have a choice to start understanding and being true to ourselves… what we like, what we don’t, who do we want to be and what makes us happy. To do this we need to be vulnerable and challenge our own beliefs. We need to have the courage to be comfortable with being ourselves. Because when we are, those comments and looks from others are purely that. Just comments and looks.

If you want to hear more about vulnerability and the impact on our lives, Brene Brown has a great TED talk, link on my homepage. It’s only 20 mins, but it is well worth a listen.


Don’t take your mental health for granted

Our mental well-being is probably something that the majority of us take for granted. Something that we don’t even think about, similar to breathing.

We are all aware when we are having a good or bad day. And we can all find something to help pick ourselves up. Whether it’s a nice bath or walk, watching a movie or getting a hug from someone who counts. 

But for many people, it is not as easy as that. It can be days filled with emotional numbness, panic attacks, stress and relentless anxiety. There is no simple fix. 

At these times more than ever is important to pay extra special attention to your mental and physical health. To reach out and make a connection and talk to someone, in fact anyone. To just be able to say to someone ‘I’m having a bad time’ and to be honestly listened to. It can lift the weight from your world. I mean not being given an automatic response of “ah you will be ok”, or “you’ll cope” or “things will be better tomorrow”. I mean a real two way conversation with someone who will say “ Do you want to talk about it?” OR “What can I do to help?”

Last year I experienced, mind numbing, fear filled panic attacks driven by anxiety about my daughter’s health. I went everywhere thinking she would have another seizure and end up back in hospital. Compounded by the worry of who would look after my other daughter. I tried to talk to people about it, but kept being told, “you’ll be ok”, “you’ve coped this far”, but inside I wasn’t coping. I was exhausted because I wasn’t sleeping and was constantly in ‘fight or flight’ mode. And I now felt like I had to look like I was ok. I eventually broke, because I realised I couldn’t cope. I gave myself permission to fall apart and knew I had to ask for help. My help came in the form of an EFT practitioner. She helped me put myself back together. She helped guide me through my own fears and gave me the confidence to get back on my feet. 

If you are suffering from mental health issues and feel you need to talk to someone, have the courage and take the first step. You may think that people don’t care because they haven’t noticed that you are feeling low. Mental health is not like a cut, or a bruise or a broken limb. It often cannot been seen. Words can be heard and tears can be seen, so make find your voice and be visible. 

The NHS has just launched its Every Mind Matters campaign. You can access some great resources for free on the link below. There is also a section on supporting others struggling with mental health.

https://www.nhs.uk/oneyou/every-mind-matters/top-tips-to-improve-your-mental-wellbeing/

If there is one thing you should remember, don’t be afraid to talk to someone.


Global Wave of Light

Global Wave of Light

On the 15 October at 7pm, I will be helping illuminate the night by lighting candles for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, to remember my four little ones who were lost too soon and who are very much missed and grieved for. Miscarriage is hard for so many reasons, but two of the things I found most difficult was I had nowhere to grieve and hardly anyone wanted to talk to me about it. In fact, many family and friends avoided the subject, which in many ways made the loss even harder. If you know of anyone that has had a miscarriage, it doesn’t matter how long ago it may be, if you can, give them a hug on the 15th (real or virtual). As no matter how much time has passed, they probably still miss never getting to meet or spend time with the baby they longed for.